All the cliches, all the songs, all the movies are right. Breaking up is hard to do. It’s difficult, it feels like a hole has been ripped out of you, like suddenly you can’t walk, your legs are numb. It however, does get easier to deal with I’m finding. Maybe I’m just having a good day and tomorrow it’ll knock me over, who knows? But for now, There is almost a sense of peace within me.
Since the breakup, so many people have come to me to offer their support, their shoulders, their ears. I don’t know if they truly understand how awesome it is for me that they care enough to do that, and check up on me daily. For someone with anxiety who is always double checking, always worrying having these people, these friends is like winning the gold medal.
There is a downside though and that is that my best friend at college hasn’t been able to help me get through this. Why? Because he’s the one who broke up with me. My best friend was my boyfriend. That’s what makes this thing so hard. I want to talk to him. I want to hug him. I want him to come over to my room lay next to me and watch Gilmore Girls with me. I want him to hold me as I cry but that isn’t possible.
I wrote him a letter, it’s long…like four pages I think. I don’t know if I should give it to him. I don’t want him to think that I’m trying to manipulate him emotionally. But it felt really good to write.
Somebody once said that struggling was okay cause it meant you’re fighting through it, that you haven’t given up. I guess you can say I’m struggling.
I’ll win the fight some day.