Anxiety · College Commentary · Personal

An Open Letter.

Dear People I know and people I will meet,

I am K.D. I am tremendously flawed but I am strong and human.

I am a really bad communicator. My words always get jumbled, I talk too fast, and I say things in a way that can be easily misinterpreted. I am not an evil or conniving person. If something I say sounds bad, most likely my meaning is getting lost in translation.

I mean no harm.

I have anxiety and need constant validation. I need to know: that you love me, like me, want me around, are not annoyed by me.

I am a hopeless romantic.

I read a lot. Which means my expectations are a little skewed. I think friends are people who if you’re ever having a bad day will make sure you aren’t alone, unless of course you want that. Friends are people who want to hang out with you and will therefore invite you places because they know your anxiety often prevents you from trying to make plans. Friends are people who start conversations and include you in them.

I want to be around people but I’m also terrified. I write like it’s my job and I hope someday it is. Somehow, I still manage to stink at explaining myself in the moment.

I sometimes hate myself but I’m working on it. I get embarrassed easily. I go to counselling to help with my mental illnesses and it’s really helpful.

I struggle, a lot. But I’m getting very good at picking myself up and starting over. I’m a bit naive, but I’m also insanely genuine and pretty logical.

I love hugs from the people I know well. I get attached to people too easily. I get hyper and I laugh too much. I’m very compulsive and I’m working on that too.

I come across as very shy and quiet but once you know me I’m the complete opposite. It’s hard for me to make new friends, and it’s hard for me to keep them. Sometimes I feel cursed.

I am who I am. I am uniquely flawed and am currently and always working at making myself better. I appreciate everyone who is a part of my life. I accept me for me.

~K.D.

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