A month ago I began the process of discontinuing my anxiety medicine and on the 13th of June I took it for the last time. Admittedly, I probably didn’t go about stopping it the right way. I should have weened myself off of it a bit more before ending it completely. Luckily besides a few side effects(migraines and some horrible fatigue) I’ve been fine.
I’ve discovered a couple of things during the three weeks that I’ve been off of my medicine:
1) I’m definitely more vulnerable to quick changes in emotion now. All my life I’ve been the type of person to tear up and sometimes full on cry during really happy commercials, shows, movies, and books. I now realize though that while I was on the medicine, I wasn’t as quick to happy tears as I am now. I was, however, more susceptible to tears of sadness and anger.
There have also been a few days where I spent a majority of the day angry and/or just completely indifferent to everyone and everything around me. During one of those days I did something I had told myself I would never do. You see, growing up my older sisters would yell at my parents all of the time. I always told myself I wouldn’t do that, but I did and as the anger faded, I was left with a huge gaping hole in my chest as disappointment set in.
2) I’m less anxious. Yes, you read that right! Since stopping my anxiety medicine I have been significantly less anxious. Of course that doesn’t mean I’ve been without anxiety. I still experience anxiety when I’m being confronted and accused of things, especially when it comes out of nowhere. I also still experience anxiety when I’m in the mist of a large noisy group. But on my day-to-day basis, I’m less anxious and that astounds me. I’m feeling really great.
I don’t know what the future holds. In fact, I can’t even pretend to know what it holds. But I do hope that things keep getting better. I’ve had a ton of crap thrown at me these past few weeks and everyday I get stronger, without my medication.
Anxiety and depression affects everyone differently but I feel it’s important as a member of this society to know what your limits are and for me, this experiment is helping me to discover them. More importantly, it’s showing me what I can do and that a diagnosis is not the end of the life as I know it.
Have you ever stopped taking your medicine? What was your experience like? Let me know!
I’m changing things up a bit on this blog. I’ve created a new posting schedule that I’m going to do my best to stick with and it includes a day dedicated to creative writing, called Release the Restraints Wednesday. On this day, you can expect poetry, and short writing pieces as well as possible detailed analyses of said pieces. I’m really excited about this change and I hope you guys are too!