Hello fellow adventurers,
A friend of mine often feels like a burden to those around them because of their anxiety. I’ve adamantly denied this, and have told them, “Anxiety is a burden, but you are not”. I wholeheartedly believe this to be true about them and others but not about myself.
Not a day passes by that I don’t feel like a burden to the people around me, to those that I consider my closest friends and family.
There are certain things that I can’t do. For example, I can’t watch scary movies, or spend time in a loud, crowded place. I need to know things ahead of time. If I’m going to be spontaneous, it has to be on my terms. I’m clingy, because I like being in contact with people and when I’m really anxious I get compulsive, i.e. texting someone repeatedly, snapchatting, posting to Instagram, posting Facebook statuses. It’s like when I’m anxious I can’t let thoughts be just thoughts.
These things are burdens. They make me an unreliable and annoying friend. They are the buckets of water that spill to form an ocean between myself and others.
However, these are small things. These are pebbles in my garden. I am kind and patient. I am creative and smart. I am loyal to those that are honest and kind to me. These are my flowers.
I am a conglomerate of: pebbles, and flowers, and thorns, and weeds.
Anxiety is a weed, it is annoying and destructive but small in comparison to the glorious flowers in my garden.
Anxiety is a burden. It is difficult for those who suffer and those who love the anxious to understand but it alone does not make someone unlovable, or a burden.
Until next time,