Today was the last day of regular classes for spring semester. I always expect the last day to be dramatically different than all the rest; like the finale of a fireworks display, or a dramatic ending to a play. However, it started and ended just like any other day, with me not wanting to get out of bed and lots of studying.
My last four classes of the semester proceeded under a dull, gray sky and rain showers.
I am opposed to rain for the fact that it’s dreary and sad. It always fosters a sense of reflection in me and that can sometimes be bad. I am overwhelmed easily. Whether this is a feature of my personality or a side effect of my anxiety, I’ll never know. Reflecting, a natural and normally rewarding act can quickly turn into a downwards spiral as everything that has ever happened and everything that could possibly happens bears down on me.
As I walked through the rain with my purple umbrella, my mind raced as I thought of the past few months. I’ve grown a lot, and have learned invaluable lessons. My favorite is how I’ve slowly been learning how to not let other people’s opinions and actions affect me. That’s hard for me to do because I’m a people pleaser. I want everyone to like me and when they don’t it’s usually hard for me to deal with. However, I’m learning that as long as I’m happy, not hurting anyone, and doing well, what other people have to say about me doesn’t matter. I love who I am, and that’s what matters the most.
The end of classes also signifies the start of finals week, a terrible week filled with frightening tests and loads of studying. As I’m reflecting on the past, I’ve been having trouble focusing on the mountain of work I still have ahead of me. For example, I will be working all weekend on revising four short essays for a final portfolio that’s due on Tuesday, while also studying for four exams. I hope with all my might that these final things go by quickly.
Until next time,