Since being diagnosed with anxiety and depression I’ve been on medication. There have been several instances where I have taken myself off of the medicine to test the waters. My primary objective has always been to figure out the answer to this question: Do I need this medication in order to function normally?
Every time, the answer is yes. But being on medication tricks you. When it works well, it’s fantastic but also problematic. When I’m on a medication that is working well, I start to question how necessary it is. I start to feel as though maybe my anxiety is cured. Maybe it’s not as bad as it used to be. And though the rational part of me remembers the results of my past experiments and knows that anxiety can’t be cured, another part of me takes control.
There is a part of me that is almost desperate to be rid of anxiety, and to be rid of the medicine bottles on my desk. It doesn’t come out often but when it does I think about stopping my medication. Medication can have so many bad side effects and until recently I have been lucky enough to not have any. However, after a recent change in them I gained a significant amount of weight. I will always defend my usage of medication to combat my mental illness and I know that a little weight gain is insignificant when you compare it to the good it’s done. However, I also do not want to be on them forever.
I guess even when you’re for medicine, you can also be a little against it.
Of course, I’m writing this at 1am because once again I’m thinking about stopping my medication.
Until next time,