Personal

My Two Struggles

Writer’s block is very real, very annoying, and tough to end. In an effort to end the blockage I have identified two things that I’m struggling with right now(besides writing!). Maybe you can relate to these things – Migraines, and Weight / Body Image,

Migraines

Migraines are the bane of my existence.

When a migraine strikes, my whole body is affected: my head hurts, my body feels strange and sluggish, and sounds/movement/light become enemies I can’t escape. My mood is also affected: I immediately become irritable and can’t focus. I hide in rooms where I can lay down and control the light, sounds, and movement. This means I end up by myself because seeing other people move makes my pain ten times worse.

In the past, migraines have caused me to miss classes, club meetings, and on a few occasions work. I have been accused of being lazy when I have to lay down because no one can see the immense pain I am feeling when I have a migraine and when they haven’t experienced a migraine, they don’t understand. I don’t know why I get so many migraines and the only thing that helps is laying down and eventually falling asleep. I was recently prescribed a medication to stop migraines in their tracks. It works within 30 minutes and ends a migraine that would normally last most of the day. However, like many medications, it has some terrible side effects. It’s known to cause heart attacks and heart attack like symptoms, numbness/tingling in fingers and toes, serotonin syndrome, as well as problems with blood circulation.

So, I’m really scared to take the medication again.

Weight / Body Image

All through school from K – 12 grade, I was chubbier with thicker legs and jeans bought from the Kid’s Plus section of JCPenney. I’ve always been heavier than the other kids my age and that’s still very much the case.

I’m not in denial, I’m not oblivious to the facts and I admit it: I have huge, thick thighs; a big butt; a big stomach; and flabby arms. I have stretch marks galore. They’re everywhere, from behind my knees to my thighs, stomach, and arms. Probably in a few places I can’t see too. There’s more than enough meat on these bones.

Clothes that I love don’t fit like they used to or they don’t fit at all. Obviously, the answer is to lose weight and I’m working on that. But it’s a constant struggle because even when I eat right and work out daily, the weight doesn’t come off. Over the last year, I’ve gained more than 40lbs even though I have been eating a lot healthier than I normally do, and have been working out multiple times a week. I constantly struggle with the fact that my body doesn’t represent my lifestyle. Since the beginning of the summer, I have lost 10 pounds and that gives me hope that I can drop the rest of my excess weight but it’s going to be a long journey.

Until Next Time,

K.D.

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